The Morning Woods – Awkward Times With a Young Son

August 11, 2014August 28, 2014Leave a comment

I walk into our son’s room at 6:30 in the morning, turn on the light and wake him up.

Me: Let’s go to the potty.

Him: Nooooooooo!

Me: Come on dude. You gotta pee.

Him: Nooooooo!

I remove his pajama bottoms and lead him into the bathroom. The pull-up appears to contain no pee at first glance. I peak inside and sure enough it is dry. But his tiny three and a half year old johnson is rock hard.

Him: Nooo stop it.

Me: Your pull up is dry. You need to pee.

Him: I don’t want to pee it hurts.

Me: That’s because your p*nis is hard. Just pee (I recently learned that is tantamount to someone asking me to do physics. It ain’t gonna happen)

Him: OWWWWWWWWWWW!

Me: Just chill and let it go man.

Him: Nooooo!

He makes a horribly pained face, whimpers one more time and finally pees.

Him: Why it do that? Why my p*nis do that? Why is it hard?

Me: Because blood goes into it.

Him: Why?

Did I mention the time. Yup, I told you it was 6 friggin 30 in the morning. How am I asked to break down the behavior of human reproductive parts to a three and a half year old before I have had my coffee???

Me: It just does. Flush the toilet and wash your hands.

Him: Do my hands to that? Do my legs do that?

Me: Nope just your p*nis.

Him: Why?

Me: Dude, ask your dad. He is an expert on this.

Dad is on a trip and will not be back until the following morning.

Now the kid is standing at the sink repeatedly tapping his p*nis with his finger and laughing.

Him: It’s funny.

Me: Yeah, a laugh riot.

I don’t know if I am supposed to be more supportive in situations like these. Surely some folks will say that I used a negative tone and could have been nicer. I could have been more caring and understanding.

Those folks can suck it.

What We Are Reading – July 14th

July 14, 2014July 18, 2014Leave a comment

Aaron had to have this book when we saw it in Barnes and Noble. The reason? It was pink. Well mommy does not drop $18.00 on a book just because it is pink (it is his favorite color.) He had a mini-fit in the store (with that behavior he was definitely not going to get the book) and a bigger fit in the car. Once the crying stopped I asked him if he remembered what the book was about; his response, “Being pink”. I was sure that given some time he would forget about the book.

The next morning he asked if we could go and get Pinkalicious. I told him that we would talk about the book and his behavior with his dad that evening and then we would decide. At dinner he apologized for the tantrum and asked if he could please have Pinkalicious. Call this bad parenting but if my kid wants something he will have to give me something in return. For Aaron that was going to be great behavior during the day, at dinner and bedtime. The kid was flawless. I thought to myself, What else can I use as leverage when the old stand by “just do it” fails? I keep seeing Huff Post articles saying that you should not bribe your kids; but I really doubt half of the people who write these things are actually parents. I do stickers for potty success and books for behavior. It works for me.Besides, bribes get things done! He knew what he needed to do and he did it.

On Sunday when the bookstore opened at 9:00am we bought Pinkalicious. Also on that day, he continued to be a gem of a kid. No I-have-what-I-want-and-now-I-can-act-a-fool tantrums. Sweet and sane for dinner, bath, and at story time where we read the prized Pinkalicious.

By the way…it is actually a really cute story and the pictures are a wonderful combination of photographs and paintings.

This Weekend – Parental Backfire

June 22, 2014July 16, 2014Leave a comment

It would seem that taking the boy to the Decatur Summer Beach Party where there was sand, games, circus performers, food trucks, music, balloons, and beer for the parents because we all needed one (look closely at the above photo, every adult has a beer in hand) won’t tire the boy out.